Tuateawa might seem an unusual place to go shopping. If you know where to look though there is a great range of handcraft and art work available. There is also a variety of quarry product. However, real estate has to be at the top of the list! We sent out our shopping correspondent, Ren Tabach, to see what was available. He returned, not with the makings of an article, but with this remarkable image.
How many years had these mysterious structures existed, hidden deep in the Tuateawa bush? We immediately called a full meeting of the editorial board to consider this question.
Unfortunately, local hero, explorer and treasure seeker, Tuateawa Jones, was not immediately available for consultation. Just that morning he had departed in his heavily laden supersizeme Humvee. His destination, the Waitakeri Hinterland. His mission, to find the lost city of Ultima Thule. It is a region full of disputing native tribes like the Jaffa-ri and Waitakeco-ri. Perhaps he would have been better exploring closer to home rather than in this dangerous region.
Luckily the board had other, if less expert resources. " it could be a gateway into another dimension or time" said our science specialist. We quickly discounted this contribution. Sadly he has recently been developing the forward stoop, shaky hands and fixed gaze of a late stage X-BOX addict. Dai, our theologian, raised the possibility of Druid influence and sees the bush as a possible sacred grove. Lee K. Holmes, our building specialist is much more down to earth and rooted in the present. His major contribution was to wonder about the quality of the mortar and if there was a L.I.M. report!
This brings us to Justin Thyme, a late arrival to our foodie team. Stepping out of his area of expertise and precisely onto the toes of Vincent Van der Humm, he wondered if it might be a work of art? Vincent is a man of huge ego who finds it difficult to agree with anyone. "Ruins are so passe. Real art today is dead tiger sharks, decaying in large glass tanks full of formalin" he claimed. It seems that, in certain parts of the world such things fetch around six million US$! The rest of us found this rather confusing. What happened when the shark had finally turned to sludge and the art work was just a tank full of rather smelly liquid? From this point on things rather deteriorated. Vincent stormed out shouting "you just get another shark, you Philistines" Our ecologist burst into tears, sobbing something about declining shark populations whilst our business editor thought six mill. was a bit steep for an empty aquarium, no matter how big it was. Strangely, Rip Moff our local entepreneur developed a large smile.
But I digress. At this point we are no further ahead in solving the mystery. We have had calls out all day trying to locate Tuateawa Jones. We are deeply concerned that he may have fallen foul of the Jaffa-ri.
STOP PRESS. LATEST!!!!!!!
All is well! Tuateawa Jones is safe. Humvees do require a lot of gas it seems. He made the mistake of attempting to fill up at the only Greenpeace petrol station in the Waitakiri region. He should have guessed when a teenage girl came out to see him wearing a tee shirt proclaiming---I HAVE ISSUES! No petrol for Tuateawa Jones. He was advised that his vehicle was an obscenity, and she slapped several large "SAVE THE EARTH " stickers on the windscreen, all biodegradable, I am advised. Being the polite man that he is TJ drove away only to run out of petrol a small distance down the road. The last we heard he was still pressing on. Don't expect to hear from me until 01/04/2010, was the last word. We wait anxiously.
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